Guardrail, 22 June 2024

On November 22nd, 1963, Lyndon B. Johnson was sworn into office as President of the United States of America, following the assassination of the beloved President John F. Kennedy. The country was shaken, but remained strong.

Papa Lyndon (as we lovingly refer to him) is the grandfather of Guardrail.

You see, Johnson was a bit of a wild man, and he was, shall we say, naturally well-endowed. He used his gift, nicknamed “Jumbo,” in a variety of manners. In arguments, he would whip it out, challenging his opponent with taunts such as “Have you seen anything bigger than this?” He was a man of few words, except when those words were about his dick. Then he talked a lot.

And talk to the ladies, he did. That’s how he met our grandmothers, Sandy, Mandy, Candy, and Sue. Individually and over the course of three years, he impregnated Sandy, Mandy, Candy, and Sue, and each birthed a son. Reese, Ryan, Roger, and Tim never knew their father, it was a matter of national security. They grew up together, got in all the same trouble, experienced life together.

As young adults in the eighties, Reese, Ryan, Roger, and Tim found themselves at an orgy, of course, because thats what you do in the eighties. It was that fateful night when they, like their father before them, impregnated our mothers, Chelsea, Cherise, Cheryl, and Storm.

But there was a scuffle. No one knew who had impregnated who. Endless arguments drove the half-brothers apart. They never spoke again.

And thats why our dads hate each other. Hi, we’re Guardrail.